BlackBox: Why Not Me?

I have this relationship with “being told what to do” that I’m deconstructing. Dame Dash, best known as serial entrepreneur, co-founder of Roc-A-Fella records, and signing Kanye West to his first record deal,  always preaches on being a boss from his holy scriptures, with proverbs like, “How can another man call another man boss?”. But I find myself constantly at the “mercy” of someone else’s decisions or rather under the spell of this belief that they are more powerful than I am.

For me, it’s not about being an entrepreneur or not taking orders from someone, the Dash philosophy’s way. It’s about being able to hear when I’m being invited to be an equal, to contribute my gifts,  and not rejecting the opportunity. Did someone make me the servant , the doer, the pawn or do I willingly play this role because it’s convenient. It’s perfect because I get to stay separate and feel superior. I am their responsiblity, and if it doesn’t get done its not on me. Then I get to hide under the radar, taking my toys, in this case my gifts, and being over here waiting for someone to come get me.  

This withholding creates a perception of me being lazy or slothful, when it’s actually that I’m addicted to this state of thinking, “they don’t want me as a black man to lead”, so I withhold my power. We as black people have a sense of our power. We’ve seen it change the world, the beauty, the sound, the taste and more. But I don’t think we feel seen and often feel like no one knows who we are, or our value. But do we really know our value? We know these abundant hypnotizing messages  that say we are black and victim and oppressed and afraid, and we start to use race to further our position of powerlessness.  Where we make someone else responsible and like a parent to us, keeping us locked in this trance.  It’s an overseer type relationship that we perpetuate when we don’t step up to bring out and contribute the power of our gifts, and know our value in doing it. Not to get value from doing it.  But in the addiction, I sit and wait for instructions from the “boss”. It’s a helluva drug.

How would expressing my power look. I’d have to take risks of failure, rejection, and being seen by other people, and I really care way too much what other people think. Of course some people are dominant and may actually be using that game with me, but even then I have to remember that it’s about me and my soul.  Dash also said, “ I don’t complain about other people’s game – I just create my own”. What is it that my soul really wants? Is it happy waiting to be told what to do, seeing things that need to be done, but shrinking and waiting for someone with more authority to take it on. The answer for me is no. Why couldn’t I do exactly what I’m waiting on the person that I perceive to be more senior, more connected, more dominant, and more powerful, to do. 

Here’s where I get to play differently. I flip the game and see my co—workers, leaders, directors, bosses as equals in power and contribute my gifts in a way that feeds my soul. Seeing every opportunity as an invitation to join, meet and match them. To contribute my gift, not for the recognition or approval of anyone else. Just my soul’s freedom.  Why can’t I, why not me ?